ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't deserve a penis
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
