I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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