I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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