I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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