This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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