The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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