I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
