I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This is my gift to your gina
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
