Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
