Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
handjob tips. give me some.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
