so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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