Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
