he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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