I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
