If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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