her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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