weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
