So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
