my vag is so smooth its legendary
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
