You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
