Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
