the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
