oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
