She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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