just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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