it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
