i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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