Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wish i was in the wii world.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I am one with the molecules
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
