After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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