Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
