Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
