I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
