You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
