I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
