I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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