I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
