u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i think i just lost a toe
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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