Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
