Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
