I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
