My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
