I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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