yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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