I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
