Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
