You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
