We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
