dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Small penises have feelings too.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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