dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
