I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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