I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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