in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
