I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
