Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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