he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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