she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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