I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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