She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
