Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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