OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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