woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My life is pants optional.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
