what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
