Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
